Can I Pet That Dog? Guidelines for Safe and Respectful Dog Interaction

Many of us know the irresistible urge to reach out and touch a friendly dog. In fact, research shows that interacting with dogs boosts oxytocin (the “bonding hormone”) in both humans and dogs – a sign of our deep emotional connection. That special bond is wonderful, but petting a dog should be done safely and respectfully. Dogs communicate mostly through body language, and not every dog welcomes a stranger’s touch. To keep both people and pups happy, follow these science-backed, veterinarian-endorsed guidelines whenever you’re tempted to ask, “can I pet that dog?”

Ask Permission Before Approaching

Never assume a dog wants to be touched. Always ask the owner’s permission first – a simple “May I say hello to your dog?” or “Can I pet your dog?” is key. Owners are the dog’s guardians and know their pet’s temperament. Even if a dog seems friendly or wags its tail, it might be in training, frightened, or have a sore spot the owner knows about. The American Kennel Club (AKC) warns that rushing up to a dog “even if the dog looks friendly” can be unsafe. A dog can’t tell you to stop, so the owner is the best judge of whether a greeting is okay. If the answer is “no,” respect it and step back. Studies from the AVMA emphasize asking permission: “Be responsible about approaching other people’s pets. Ask permission from the owner before approaching a dog, and look for signs that the dog wants to interact with you”.

Let the Dog Come to You

If the owner says it’s okay, crouch or kneel to appear smaller and gentler, and extend your hand slowly (in a fist) for the dog to sniff. Dogs primarily explore new people with their nose, not their eyes or ears. Rather than sticking your fingers in the air, hold your hand out in front of you (palm down, fingers curled) and let the dog initiate contact. This approach is more natural for dogs: they’ll “shake hands” by sniffing your hand instead of you startling them. Avoid direct eye contact (which can be perceived as threatening) and turn slightly to the side, as a head-on approach can make dogs nervous.

Take it slow. If the dog leans in or sniffs you willingly, that means it’s comfortable with your presence. But if it hangs back or looks uneasy, don’t force it. The dog should have the final say – just as you wouldn’t force a handshake on a shy person. If the dog steps closer, gently pet it on its side, chest, or shoulder. Avoid reaching over the dog’s head at first; many dogs dislike this and find it intimidating.

Watch the Dog’s Body Language

Dogs give clear signals about how they feel. A relaxed dog usually has soft eyes, a loose body, and may wag its tail in a low, loose fashion. But if the dog shows stress or fear cues, respect those signs and back off immediately. According to veterinary behavior specialists, stressed or frightened dogs may cower, tuck their tail, or shift weight to the rear – all signs they feel threatened. You might also see pinned-back ears, yawning, lip-licking, or rapid blinking when a dog is uncomfortable. These are subtle “calming signals” that mean the dog wants to be left alone. Even a frozen, stiff posture or a dog turning its head away indicates anxiety. Rushing at a dog that displays these signs can trigger fear and even biting – aggression is almost always a fear response.

Do: Look for relaxed signals like a softly wagging tail (low and sweeping), a gently open mouth, and a dog leaning into you or nudging you after initial contact.

Don’t: Pet a dog that shows any of the above stress cues. The American Veterinary Medical Association (AVMA) stresses that we must “recognize and respect” when a dog wants to be left alone. Forcing affection on an anxious dog can damage trust and put both you and the dog at risk.

Petting Etiquette: Where and How

When petting is welcome, be gentle and calm. Start with slow strokes along the dog’s shoulder or chest – these are usually safe, dog-friendly areas. Many dogs love a gentle scratch under the chin or on the chest. Ask the owner if the dog has a favorite spot (some may enjoy a gentle belly rub once they’re comfortable). By contrast, avoid patting the top of the head, hugging, or sudden movements. The AKC notes that most dogs dislike being patted on the head or hugged by strangers, as these can feel threatening.

Keep your movements soft and your voice soothing. If you need to reach around the dog (for example, to calm a very shy dog), first let the dog sniff your hand so it knows who you are. After petting for a moment, stop and let the dog move away if it wants. Always let the dog set the pace of interaction. If at any point the dog leans away, licks its lips, or shows other discomfort, respectfully end the petting session.

Also read: If you have more than one cat at home, —can cats actually share a litter box? Understanding this is crucial for keeping your feline household stress-free.

When Not to Pet a Dog

Even a normally friendly dog has boundaries. Never try to pet a dog that is eating, sleeping, or caring for puppies, since dogs can become protective over food, rest, and pups. Likewise, avoid dogs that are snarling, growling, backing away, or baring teeth – these signs indicate they’re upset or afraid. As the South Carolina Dept. of Public Health advises, “Avoid risky situations. Don’t try petting a dog if the dog is sick or injured, growling or barking, a stray, on the other side of a fence, sleeping, eating, or caring for puppies.”.

Do not chase after or corner a dog, even if you mean well. Running toward a dog or making loud noises can trigger its chase instinct or fear. If an unfamiliar dog approaches you, “stay calm, don’t run, keep both hands at your sides, and avoid eye contact”. The AKC recommends teaching children to use the “Be a Tree” posture around a loose dog: stand still with arms by your sides and head averted. This non-threatening stance helps the dog lose interest and move away safely.

Also remember that wild animals or stray puppies are never safe to pet. They may carry diseases or behave unpredictably. The phrase “can I pet that dog” clearly applies only to dogs we meet in a public or controlled setting. If you see wildlife or an unfamiliar stray, the safer response is to keep your distance and alert animal control.

Can I Pet That Dog? Here's When It’s Safe — and When to Walk Away

Short Answer:
Yes, you can pet a dog only if the owner gives permission and the dog shows signs of comfort — like a relaxed posture, wagging tail, and friendly interest. Never pet a dog that’s fearful, behind a fence, eating, or working as a service animal.

Expanded Answer:
Before you reach out to touch a dog, always follow these three steps:

1. Ask the owner – This confirms if the dog is social and okay with strangers.
2. Observe the dog’s body language – Look for loose, wiggly movements and soft eye contact.
3. Let the dog come to you – Extend a hand and wait. Don’t rush or lean over it.

Avoid petting dogs that:

• Are sleeping, eating, or injured
• Are growling, backing away, or tucked up
• Are service animals or working dogs

Tip for Parents: Teach children to say, “Can I pet your dog?” before touching. And always supervise kids near unfamiliar animals.

Location Tip: If you're in a public park, dog café, or urban area with leash laws, check for posted signs or local guidelines. In some cities, even off-leash dogs in designated areas must not be approached without consent.

Special Cases | Service Dogs and Working Dogs

Some dogs are working animals, not pets. Service dogs (guide dogs, mobility or medical assistance dogs, psychiatric service dogs, etc.) are trained to focus on helping their handlers and must not be distracted. Under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), service dogs are recognized as “working animals, not pets”. Petting or calling attention to a service dog can pull them away from their important tasks. In fact, many jurisdictions have laws against interfering with a service dog’s work.

For everyone’s safety, never try to pet a service or working dog. These dogs often wear vests or harnesses indicating they are on duty. Helpful tips from service-dog organizations include giving space and ignoring the dog even if it approaches you. As one expert puts it, “Interrupting a working service dog… isn’t just rude—it can be illegal”. Allow the dog and handler to continue without interruption. Many guides remind parents to teach children that service dogs are off-limits for petting (even a friendly wave or eye contact can be distracting).

(Note: Therapy dogs or emotional-support animals are handled differently (they may be allowed gentle petting if their handler permits), but you should still always ask permission and act quietly around them.)

Tips for Parents and Educators

Children are naturally drawn to dogs, but they are also the most common victims of dog bites. The AVMA notes over half of dog-bite victims are children, often bitten when they’re face-to-face with a dog. Parents and teachers can help by teaching safe habits:

• Ask an adult first. Kids should always ask the owner’s permission before touching a dog, just as step-by-step as adults do.
• Let the dog sniff. After permission, have the child hold out a closed hand for the dog to sniff before petting. This gives the dog a chance to say hello in its own way.
• Gentle petting. Instruct children to pet gently on the dog’s shoulders or back, avoiding the head, face, and tail. They should move slowly and not approach a dog from behind.
• No rough play. Kids should not pull ears or tail, hug tightly, climb on, or bother a dog that’s resting or eating. If a dog is lying quietly or has food in its bowl, teach children to give it space.
• Supervise play. Never leave a young child alone with a dog. The AVMA warns “Don’t ever leave children unsupervised with dogs,” as most bites to young kids occur when an adult isn’t watching.
• “Be a Tree” for loose dogs. If a strange dog comes near, teach kids to stand very still with arms at their sides (like a tree) and to avoid staring. AKC says this is the safest posture for a child around an unfamiliar dog.
• Respect “no.” Finally, teach kids that if a dog backs away, growls, or the owner says “No, don’t pet,” they should obey immediately. Forcing a pet on a dog that isn’t interested only increases the risk of a bite.

Educators and parents can reinforce these rules through role-play or by reading age-appropriate books and videos on dog safety. Emphasize that even the friendliest dog can get startled, so slow movements and polite greetings keep both kids and dogs happy.

Trim Like a Pro at Home

Achieve salon-quality results with our quiet and efficient Pet Hair Trimmer. Ideal for paws, face, and sensitive grooming.

Shop Pet Hair Trimmer